Lustful Literature

Lustful Literature -

** FIRE DOWN BELOW BY DEBRA ANASTASIA REVIEW TOUR **

 

 

 

 

Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.

Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.

How could she not fall for him? Dove’s only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.

Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you’re not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh God. We’re talking about me being naked, in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.
“I know it’s not soap. I just… if it’s scented… I can’t do scented. Flowers and stuff like that. Fruit-flavored soaps make… things… burnish.” She could tell from the
peeks at his face Mr. Fitzwell had never stepped foot in bath and lotion store, wanting to try the array of fun fragrances. Nor had he purchased Peppermint Candy shower gel, foamed up his nether regions, and felt like he had dipped them in lava. Dove crossed and uncrossed her legs at the memory.
Mr. Fitzwell seemed concerned. “Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.
Dove covered her eyes and tried to defend herself because now she could hear the sickly older woman beating her supporters with a purse.
Dove’s mumbling got louder with her embarrassment. “I don’t put weird things down… there. Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For vaginas.” She kept her eyes on the counter. 

 

 

Megan's review

 

 

4 stars

Fire Down Below- 4 I actually, sort of enjoy this stars…..what is wrong with me!!!!!!

 

I have no clue what I’ve just read!!! This was a mix of vagina laughs and inappropriate comments with bad and embarrassing moments- one after another. “Jesus fancy pants. You’re a train wreck. Let’s put a bullet in this nightmare.” But, at no point did I want to stop reading. This total epic title for the ‘I have no words’ read. In all honesty I did enjoy the full belly laughs Dove and Johnson gave me. Speaking of Johnson, what a great name for a character, especially with many unfortunate laughable happenings.

 

His Adam’s apple was like his throat’s erection. Dominant.

 

He was just as doomed as she was in the awkwardness. Every time they met up something happen. It was bound to- destiny.

 

I enjoyed the first chapter immensely, the full on improper meeting of the two main characters. It really set the mood for the entire book. This is my only real big complaint. This book opened up and it went, never giving up and never getting a break from the comedy. At times, I really wanted a break from the constant one liners. Although, a lot of them were extremely funny, after a while they didn’t stand out as it did in the beginning. This did make me skim… but only a little bit. It was so much funny that it wasn’t actually funny anymore.

 

“Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For vaginas.”

 

But, in the reading world, it was nice to let loose and not have to figure out what the big catch is. The only catch is that Dove is shy, quirky, but she is original. She comes to life behind her computer and that is really where I started loving her. When certain replies came in you could tell how she treasured the sweetness.

 

“I put a bunch o horrible hair-removing cream on my p*ssy. That’s why it smells so bad in here. I wanted to be her. I never, ever am. I’m the one girl out a thousand that gets crapped on by a seagull while waiting in line for a tour of the Statue of Liberty. I’m the girl that trips and has her boob fall out of her top in front of the mechanics when I’m vacuuming my car at the gas station. I’m the girl that says yes to an amazing man and tries to be anything but herself when he comes to her door.

 

The time spent in twitter communication was my favorite in the romance area. The ease of hiding behind that big screen kept the charm strong. Things were all different when they were face to face. Neither of them being well known to the romantic scene but they both give it a hardy try. Even when they give the gung-ho, let’s do this they stayed true to their awkward being. Down to the core.

 

“I knew that frog position was too freaky. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not that, Johnson. Did you notice that like every third thrust I was like a virgin? That was my a**hole.”

“Great. I gave you unwanted anal. That’s what I get for reading all those sexual expertise books. I just wanted to be memorable for you. Different. And now I am for all the wrong reasons.”

 

And what’s better than one funny book? 2!!! There will be more to this duo!!!

 

 

 

 

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There are a lot of eyes in Debra Anastasia’s house in Maryland. First, her own creepy peepers are there, staring at her computer screen. She’s made two more sets of eyes with her body, and the kids they belong to are amazing. The poor husband is still looking at her after 17 years of marriage. At least he likes to laugh. Then the freaking dogs are looking at her—six eyeballs altogether, though the old dog is blind. And the
cat watches her too, mostly while knocking stuff off the counter and doing that internal kitty laugh when Deb can’t catch the items fast enough.

Debra has a smattering of books in a few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get
it right now, please!) You can find her at DebraAnastasia.com and on Twitter @Debra_Anastasia. But be prepared…

 

 

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